Navigating relationships with narcissists can be a deeply confusing and emotionally draining experience. This glossary aims to clarify key terms and concepts related to narcissistic behaviors and manipulative tactics, providing insight into how such patterns operate. It is designed as a resource for those who have encountered these dynamics, enabling them to better identify, understand, and ultimately navigate their way through interactions with narcissistic individuals. Terms like “the target” are used throughout to emphasize the focus of manipulation, rather than imply any inherent role or identity.
This glossary gives a comprehensive overview of the subtle, overt, and covert behaviors often employed by narcissists to control, confuse, and harm those around them.
A
Antagonistic Behavior: Displaying hostility in a subtle or overt manner to provoke or control the target.
B
Backhanded Compliments: A statement that appears to be a compliment but carries an underlying insult or criticism. For example, “You’re smart for someone who didn’t go to university.”
Blame Shifting: Redirecting responsibility for one’s own actions onto the target. This tactic is used to avoid accountability and make the target feel at fault.
Boundary Testing: Pushing limits to see how far they can influence or control the target, often escalating behaviors gradually.
Boundary Violations: Disregarding personal space, privacy, or emotional limits to assert dominance and diminish the target’s sense of autonomy.
Breadcrumbing: Offering small, intermittent gestures of affection or kindness to keep the target emotionally invested, maintaining hope while offering no real commitment.
C
Charismatic Leadership: Using charm, confidence, and a magnetic personality to attract and influence others, often to gain followers or loyal allies.
Charm Offensive: Employing charm and flattery to manipulate others into favorable actions, often to mask true intentions or distract from problematic behaviors.
Charm Withdrawal: Withdrawing previously shown affection or attention to punish the target or provoke anxiety, leaving them confused and destabilized.
Charming Deceit: Using an outward display of charm to disguise manipulative motives, lulling the target into a false sense of security.
Charming Mask: Maintaining a facade of friendliness and likability while harboring ulterior motives that are damaging to those they wish to control.
Clinging to Past Grievances: Frequently bringing up past mistakes or conflicts to maintain a narrative of victimhood and keep the target feeling guilty.
Cognitive Dissonance: Creating internal conflict in the target’s beliefs and emotions by behaving inconsistently, making the target question their perceptions of reality.
C
Comparison: Regularly comparing the target unfavorably to others, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy and lowering self-esteem.
Compartmentalization: Keeping different parts of their life and relationships separate to maintain control over how others perceive them.
Conditional Affection: Only showing love or approval when the target meets specific demands or expectations, creating a conditional environment of acceptance.
Constructing a False Reality: Deliberately creating illusions or false narratives to confuse the target and manipulate their understanding of situations.
Control through Fear: Using fear-inducing tactics, such as threats or displays of aggression, to manipulate the target’s behavior and decisions.
Controlling Conversations: Dominating discussions to steer the narrative, leaving little room for others’ viewpoints and maintaining control over the dialogue.
Covert Aggression: Using subtle, indirect forms of hostility masked as concern or support to confuse and manipulate the target.
Creating a Sense of Urgency: Making the target feel pressured or rushed into decisions, preventing them from considering options clearly.
Creating Chaos: Instigating conflict or drama to keep the focus on themselves and maintain control by creating a constant state of turmoil.
Creating Confusion: Offering mixed messages or contradictory information to make the target doubt their understanding of situations and erode self-confidence.
Creating Crisis: Deliberately generating or exaggerating problems to divert attention away from their own behavior and maintain control.
Creating Dependency on Approval: Ensuring that the target feels the need for their validation in order to feel worthy or accepted.
Creating Unreasonable Expectations: Setting impossible standards for the target to meet, ensuring a cycle of failure and self-blame.
D
Defining Reality: Controlling the narrative around events to manipulate how others perceive what is true, often dismissing or distorting facts.
Deflection: Redirecting blame or attention away from their own behavior, typically by accusing the target of something unrelated.
Denial of Feelings: Refusing to acknowledge or validate the target’s emotions, dismissing them as irrational or unwarranted.
Discrediting Support Systems: Undermining the target’s trust in friends or mentors to isolate them and increase dependency on the narcissist.
Disguised Jealousy: Masking jealousy as concern or helpfulness, using it to subtly criticize or undermine the target.
Disguised Manipulation: Hiding manipulative intentions behind a guise of caring or support, making it difficult for the target to recognize the true motive.
Disguised Sarcasm: Using seemingly humorous remarks to belittle the target, masking cruelty under the guise of joking.
Dismissing Achievements: Refusing to acknowledge or minimize the target’s accomplishments, reinforcing feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.
Disparagement and Smearing: Using subtle criticisms or backhanded compliments to publicly undermine the target’s reputation while appearing supportive.
Diverting Conversations: Shifting topics or steering the conversation away from issues that challenge their behavior, making it difficult to address concerns.
Downplaying Concerns: Minimizing the target’s issues to invalidate their feelings and avoid addressing the problem.
E
Emotional Blackmail: Using guilt, obligation, or fear to manipulate the target into complying with their demands or remaining in the relationship.
Emotional Exhaustion: Deliberately draining the target’s emotional resources to weaken resistance and increase susceptibility to control.
Emotional Gaslighting: Confusing the target about their emotions and perceptions, making them question their own feelings and experiences.
Emotional Hoarding: Collecting emotional investments from others without reciprocating, leaving those around them feeling drained and unfulfilled.
Emotional Manipulation: Using emotions, such as tears or rage, to influence and control the target’s behavior and decision-making.
Emotional Withdrawal: Withholding affection or support to punish the target or regain control, creating an emotional void.
Enabling Drama: Encouraging or instigating conflicts to draw attention away from their own behavior or manipulate the target’s emotional state.
Encouraging Comparison: Constantly comparing the target to others to make them feel inadequate and maintain a sense of superiority.
Encouraging Rivalry: Fostering competition between people to create discord and position themselves as the focal point.
Exaggerating Issues: Amplifying minor problems into major crises to create drama, deflect blame, or evoke sympathy from others.
Excessive Criticism: Providing relentless negative feedback on the target’s actions, decisions, or attributes, eroding their confidence over time.
Exploiting Vulnerabilities: Targeting the target’s insecurities, weaknesses, or fears to manipulate and control them more effectively.
False Apologies: Offering insincere apologies to appease the target momentarily, without any intention of changing behavior.
F
False Equivalence: Equating minor offenses with serious grievances to minimize their own harmful actions or exaggerate the target’s faults.
False Friendliness: Pretending to be supportive and caring while subtly undermining the target’s well-being or success.
False Humility: Feigning modesty to elicit praise or admiration, while subtly positioning themselves as superior.
False Promises: Making commitments that they never intend to keep, creating cycles of hope followed by disappointment.
False Support: Offering help that appears genuine but is designed to undermine the target’s confidence or independence.
Feigning Amnesia: Pretending to forget past promises or agreements to avoid responsibility or accountability.
Feigning Concern for Others: Displaying superficial worry for others’ well-being as a means to exert control or mask their true motives.
Feigning Ignorance: Acting as if they are unaware of the harm they have caused, deflecting blame and making the target question their own reactions.
Feigning Innocence: Claiming to be oblivious to their harmful actions, often expressing disbelief when confronted to further confuse the target.
Feigning Support: Offering seemingly helpful advice or assistance that ultimately serves to manipulate or belittle the target.
Feigning Victimhood: Portraying themselves as the victim in situations, diverting blame and garnering sympathy from others.
Flying Monkeys: Enlisting enablers to assist in their manipulations, smear campaigns, or to reinforce the narcissist’s distorted narratives.
Fostering Dependence: Creating circumstances that ensure the target relies on them for emotional, financial, or social support, reinforcing control.
Fostering Rivalry: Encouraging competition between others to create divisions and maintain dominance.
Framing Conversations: Leading discussions in a way that casts the narcissist in a favorable light while subtly discrediting the target.
G
Gaslighting by Proxy: Involving others in the gaslighting process to validate the narcissist’s distorted version of reality, further isolating and confusing the target.
Gaslighting through Confusion: Deliberately creating disorientation by providing conflicting information, making the target question their perceptions.
Gaslighting with Humor: Using humor or “jokes” to belittle the target’s concerns, making the target seem overly sensitive for reacting.
Gaslighting with Others: Enlisting third parties to reinforce false narratives or deny the target’s reality, increasing confusion and self-doubt.
Gaslighting with Praise: Using praise that seems sincere but is later followed by criticism, leaving the target confused about where they stand.
Grandiosity: Exhibiting an inflated sense of self-importance, often exaggerating accomplishments or demanding admiration.
Grooming: Systematically conditioning the target to tolerate mistreatment, often through cycles of positive reinforcement and intermittent abuse.
Guilt Induction: Making the target feel responsible for the narcissist’s negative emotions or actions, using guilt as a tool to manipulate behavior.
H
Hoovering: Attempting to re-establish contact or control after a period of separation by making grand gestures, promises of change, or evoking nostalgia.
Hypercriticism: Focusing excessively on minor flaws or perceived mistakes, creating an environment of constant judgment and anxiety for the target.
Hypocrisy: Holding others to high standards that they themselves do not adhere to, using double standards to justify their behavior while condemning others.
I
Identity Theft: Mimicking or copying the target’s personality, mannerisms, or achievements to appropriate their identity and diminish their uniqueness.
Intellectual Bullying: Using knowledge or expertise to belittle the target, making them feel unintelligent or incompetent.
Intermittent Reinforcement: Alternating between affection and cruelty, creating a cycle of confusion and dependency where the target becomes desperate for approval.
Intimidation: Using threats, aggression, or displays of power to instill fear and compliance in the target.
Invalidating Emotions: Dismissing the target’s feelings as irrational or overblown, making them question the legitimacy of their own emotions.
Inviting Others to Judge: Encouraging friends or family to critique the target, subtly positioning themselves as a concerned party while isolating the target further.
Invoking Guilt: Using guilt trips to make the target feel obligated to comply with their demands or meet unreasonable expectations.
Isolation Tactics: Cutting off the target’s support systems by sowing distrust, spreading misinformation, or creating conflicts between the target and their loved ones.
J
Judgmental Attitude: Critiquing or condescendingly evaluating others to maintain a sense of superiority and control the emotional tone of interactions.
L
Lack of Accountability: Refusing to take responsibility for harmful actions, often by deflecting blame or denying the consequences of their behavior.
Long-Term Marginal Gains: Using a series of minor manipulative acts over a long period to gradually erode the target’s self-esteem or independence.
Love Bombing: Overwhelming the target with excessive attention, affection, or gifts to create dependency, only to withdraw it once control is established.
M
Manipulating Apologies: Making the target feel they need to apologize for the narcissist’s behavior, shifting the burden of guilt and responsibility.
Manipulating Emotions: Using displays of anger, tears, or affection to create confusion, guilt, or fear, maintaining emotional dominance over the target.
Manipulating Group Dynamics: Controlling group interactions to position themselves as the central figure and isolate the target.
Manipulating Narratives: Crafting stories or altering facts to create a version of events that favors them and discredits the target.
Manipulative Kindness: Offering help or support that seems genuine but serves to create obligation or undermine the target’s independence.
Mercurial Temper Tantrums: Exhibiting unpredictable anger or emotional outbursts to instill fear, making the target feel they need to walk on eggshells.
Misdirection: Changing the subject or redirecting conversations to avoid addressing problematic behaviors or evade accountability.
Mocking or Sarcasm: Using humor or sarcasm to belittle the target, making them feel diminished while maintaining plausible deniability.
Mood Swings: Exhibiting rapid and extreme changes in emotional state, keeping the target off balance and anxious.
Moral Superiority: Claiming a higher moral ground to justify abusive behavior, often positioning themselves as more ethical or virtuous than others.
N
Narcissistic Rage: Intense, disproportionate anger displayed when the narcissist feels threatened or challenged, often used to reassert control.
Narcissistic Supply: Seeking admiration, validation, or attention from others to boost self-esteem, often at the expense of those around them.
O
Over-Responsibility: Making the target feel overly responsible for the narcissist’s feelings or actions, creating a sense of obligation and guilt.
Overstepping Boundaries: Ignoring personal limits to assert dominance, often disregarding the target’s needs as unimportant or invalid.
P
Passive-Aggressiveness: Expressing hostility through indirect means, such as sarcasm, procrastination, or “forgetting” commitments, rather than open confrontation.
Phantom Empathy: Feigning empathy or concern to gain trust, while lacking genuine care or compassion for the target.
Pity Play: Using their own struggles or hardships to elicit sympathy and distract from their abusive behavior, positioning themselves as a victim.
Playing Dumb: Pretending not to understand the target’s feelings or concerns to avoid responsibility and create frustration.
Playing Favorites: Favoring one person or group over another to create division and insecurity, fostering competition and jealousy.
Playing the Martyr: Sacrificing their own needs or making a show of selflessness to elicit sympathy and maintain control over the target.
Playing the Victim: Using victimhood to gain sympathy, deflect blame, or manipulate others into supporting them.
Projection: Accusing the target of the very behaviors or flaws that the narcissist themselves exhibit, creating confusion and defensiveness.
Promoting Envy: Creating feelings of jealousy or rivalry in others to destabilize relationships and keep the focus on the narcissist.
Public Persona: Maintaining a polished, positive image in public to conceal abusive behavior, creating a contrast between how they are perceived by outsiders and how they behave privately.
Public Shaming: Exposing the target’s flaws or mistakes in front of others to enforce control and diminish their confidence.
Q
Quick to Blame: Shifting responsibility onto others immediately to avoid scrutiny, making the target feel guilty or defensive.
R
Reassurance Seeking: Constantly needing validation from others to maintain self-esteem and control, making the target feel obligated to provide constant support.
Reinforcing Dependence: Ensuring the target relies on them for emotional, financial, or practical support to maintain dominance and control.
Reinforcing Insecurity: Regularly undermining the target’s confidence through criticism, comparison, or subtle insults to keep them feeling inadequate.
Relational Aggression: Using social dynamics, such as spreading rumors or excluding the target, to harm them indirectly and maintain control.
Reputation Management: Crafting a flawless public image while hiding abusive behavior, manipulating others’ perceptions to avoid accountability.
Revising Agreements: Changing the terms of previously agreed-upon arrangements to suit their needs, making the target feel trapped or confused.
Revising History: Altering past events to align with their narrative, making the target question their memories and perceptions.
S
Sabotaging Relationships: Undermining the target’s friendships and connections to increase isolation and dependence on the narcissist.
Selective Generosity: Being generous only when it serves their interests, creating an illusion of kindness that is selectively withdrawn.
Selective Memory: Conveniently forgetting past promises, agreements, or supportive actions to avoid responsibility.
Self-Aggrandizement: Inflating their own achievements and importance to gain admiration and maintain a sense of superiority.
Shame as a Weapon: Using shame to control and demean the target, maximizing emotional pain to weaken resistance and increase dependency.
Shifting Blame: Never taking responsibility for harmful actions, instead making the target feel guilty or at fault for the narcissist’s behavior.
Silent Treatment: Withholding communication as a form of punishment, creating anxiety and confusion in the target.
Stonewalling: Refusing to engage in conversations or answer questions, effectively shutting down any attempt at resolution or accountability.
Strategic Silence: Using silence to control the narrative, create anxiety, or maintain dominance over the target.
Strategically Apologizing: Offering insincere apologies to manipulate feelings of guilt without changing behavior or taking responsibility.
Subtle Sabotage: Undermining the target’s efforts in covert ways, making it difficult for them to succeed or feel confident in their abilities.
Superiority Complex: Acting as if they are better than others to reinforce dominance and control, dismissing others’ perspectives as inferior.
T
Tactical Complaints: Making casual complaints about the target to others, casting doubt on their character in subtle, indirect ways.
Trauma Bonding: An intense emotional attachment formed through cycles of abuse and kindness, making it hard for the target to leave despite the pain.
Triangulation: Involving third parties to create conflict or competition, manipulating relationships to isolate or control the target.
U
Undermining Achievements: Minimizing or ignoring successes to keep the target feeling inferior and dependent.
Undermining Relationships: Sabotaging the target’s friendships or partnerships to create isolation and increase dependence on the narcissist.
Unpredictable Behavior: Acting erratically to keep the target guessing about their reactions, creating anxiety and a sense of walking on eggshells.
Using Confidants: Sharing private information with others to manipulate the target’s reputation or create a distorted version of events.
Using Economic Control: Manipulating financial resources or withholding support to maintain dominance and dependence.
Using Humor as a Weapon: Joking at the target’s expense to mask cruelty and create plausible deniability for hurtful comments.
Using Love as Leverage: Withholding or providing affection to control the target’s behavior, making love conditional on meeting certain demands.
Using Others’ Opinions: Quoting friends, family, or authority figures to invalidate the target’s feelings or perceptions, reinforcing their narrative.
V
Victim Blaming: Holding the target responsible for the narcissist’s abusive behavior, making them feel guilty for standing up for themselves.
Victim Complex: Adopting a victim role to avoid accountability and garner sympathy, positioning themselves as the aggrieved party.
Victimhood as Strategy: Using victim status to gain sympathy and deflect responsibility, manipulating others’ perceptions to maintain control.
W
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X
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Y
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Z
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